“They’re serving up two things backstage: cock and cake,” Pamela Anderson began. “And we’re all outta cake.” Kicking off the 19th annual Fashion Cares fundraiser (which raised $1 million for the AIDS Committee of Toronto), Pam, MAC’s new Viva Glam spokesperson, went on to read her lines from a huge teleprompter that was oddly visible to the audience. In the media room beforehand, I reminded Pam of her promise to fly me down to babysit her two boys, and asked her how she would approach the subject of AIDS with them. “Though they are very young, they know that Mommy is involved with charities and they know about AIDS. The most important thing is to be educated and get tested.” If they are blessed with her good looks and Tommy Lee’s huge wee-wee, they will both be in much demand later. Fashion label Mercy went on to open the show with men in shimmering, distressed dungarees dragging wagons around the set. As the wagons were turned around, they smartly transformed into colourful western saloons with women in gold lamé giving us full Dallas drama. The sexy see-through tunics with silver beaded necklines by Hoax Couture were perfect for a glam pool party. Wayne Clark’s hot pink skin-tight ballgowns with feathery throws contrasted wonderfully with Comrags’ multicolour, multi-patterned hippy-chic ho-down wear. Nearly putting me to sleep was Jann Arden, who performed two beautifully mellow songs. Doesn’t she have a remix? Juno Award-winning Jann’s outfit was created by David Dixon. “I’ve never had anyone design an outfit for me,” she said. “Most of my clothes are 15 years old.” Bringing the reserved audience somewhat alive were Panjabi Hit Squad (who use the same tired hip-hop lyrics, but when they’re put to a different beat they seem oh so fresh), Feist (I thought she was Björk), the sexy Krystal Kiran Garib (the South Asian Britney Spears) and other performers. Eighties super-gay band Erasure made a surprise performance. Not a huge fan, I gave my press pass to my best friend Ray (Vince Clarke called him a “cheeky monkey”), who snuck backstage and ended up hanging out in their hotel room until 7am, eating cake with lots of white icing. • Frolicking in the huge Lust Room, filled waist-high with large red balloons, men in Bay Street suits and women in Yorkville heels childishly let out their inner children. In the Envy main space, dancers Lorraine Hewitt and John Caffery, donning angel wings and little else, gyrated on a boxing-ring-like stage while people like Salah Bachir, and Chris Hyndman and Steven Sabados of So Chic and Design Rivals watched from the sidelines. These were just two of the imaginative seven rooms created for Power Ball 7: The Group of Seven Deadly Sins, a fundraiser for the Power Plant Contemporary Art Gallery. Pick a room, create your doom. The sins were also interpreted in fashion as seven designers created dresses as part of Sin Couture. Kill Bill star Vivica A. Fox (in town filming Missing) wore a white and black gown representing Greed by r.u. Also looking sexy was Governor General Adrienne Clarkson (“I don’t pose,” she quipped) who, like me, gets paid to attend parties. She represents the cocky queen, while I represent queens with cocks.