The incredible shrinking Bellini
Big news! I just had a VelaShape treatment. According to the
literature, “VelaShape contours, shapes and slims the body
by improving cellulite and reducing circumference in as
few as four treatment sessions.” Or in my case, 400 sessions.
VelaShaping is ideal for women who have just given birth, but
it’s also ideal for body-conscious gay men. Clinical trials show an
average post-treatment reduction of 0.5 to three inches. So it is
with some excitement that I head to Skin Vitality at 11 Yorkville
Ave to get VelaShaped.
My clinician, Angelica, tells me she can’t do any VelaShaping
on hairy parts. That eliminates most of my body. “Why not do the
love handles on my back?” I suggest, so she flips me over and
pours some gel on me. Then she turns on the VelaShape machine,
which looks like a big vacuum cleaner. She picks up a glowing
wand and passes it over the areas in question. The wand
simultaneously vacuums the skin, shoots radio waves through it,
massages fat tissue and generates heat. The effect is not unlike a
Swedish deep-tissue massage, but it’s way more intense. When it
is over, the skin on my lower back is lobster red and glowing. Yes,
it looks smoother and tighter, after just one treatment. Parts of me
are now very attractive.
fab editor Matt Thomas comes along for his own treatment,
and he shares his thoughts on the process: “It’s like getting a
hickey all over the area being treated, but it’s one hell of a hot
mouth and VelaShape doesn’t get tired. I wouldn’t put it near
anything that dangles, though.” Sound advice, but let’s be honest:
dangling parts seldom need more manipulation than they already
Skin Vitality’s medical consultant, Nikki Tourlos, recommends
multiple treatments, usually from six to eight. The clinic also
provides a nutritionist, as healthy eating is a big part of what
makes the treatment work. She shows me a series of “before” and
“after” photographs. Some of the women in the “before” pics have
ricotta-cheese asses, but the “after” pictures show noticeable
improvement. She doesn’t discuss what the treatment would cost;
apparently individual needs vary.
Nikki tells me that Skin Vitality offers bipolar radio frequencies
and light-energy treatments, ideal for eliminating freckles, sun
spots, rosacea, spider veins and age spots. They’re also good for
hair removal and skin tightening. In addition, the clinic offers a
combination of Botox and Juvéderm facial filler, which they call a
soft lift. The best thing is these procedures are all non-surgical,
non-invasive and require no recuperation time.
So, haggard reader, do yourself a favour and get thy ass over to
Skin Vitality. Nikki was nice enough to give me three referral
cards, which offer a $100 gift certificate with your first visit. If you
want one, just email me.
Now that my lower back is toned and taut, I can finally sit
back, relax and read yet another salacious Hollywood biography
by Darwin Porter. His books on classic screen luminaries
Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn left my tongue hanging.
Yes, they had raunchy sex lives, and yes, their legendary love
affairs (with Lauren Bacall and Spencer Tracy, respectively) were
mostly manufactured, more lore than love. I’m fascinated to read
that Hepburn’s hobby was breaking into people’s homes, a practice
she continued well into her stardom, and that Bogart had a lifelong
aversion to the word “shit.”
Porter has juice on practically every classic movie star ever. It
is now impossible for me to watch Gone with the Wind and not
think about how Leslie Howard liked to leave bite marks on his
female conquests. Oh, Ashley. For those of us who cannot get
enough celebrity sleaze, Porter has also started a gossip blog
called Dirty Laundry. You can subscribe to it on the website of his
publisher, Blood Moon Productions.
Tighter skin and dirtier gossip. This is the life.
Info: skinvitality.ca, bloodmoonproductions.com
Bellini at paulbellini.blogspot.com